The Monument of You
Loneliness and isolation are not always random. More often, they’re the bill that comes due when you’ve spent all your time investing only in yourself.
If you spend a week doing whatever you want, whenever you want, pouring into only yourself and being selfish, then don’t be surprised when you get sick and nobody comes running. Why should they? When you were well, you didn’t pour into anyone else’s cup. You didn’t show up. You didn’t nurture anything outside yourself. Why expect everyone to drop everything now?
And that truth stretches far beyond a week.
If you spend your days doing what suits you but never taking time to build with your children, no conversations, no guidance, no presence, don’t turn around shocked years later when they grow up and want nothing to do with you. They don’t owe you a sudden, magical relationship you never bothered to create. And the circumstances that you had at the time as an explanation to why there’s no relationship, are of no importance.
If you choose the bare minimum, constantly reminding others how much they “should” appreciate you while refusing to give them the space to think or breathe on their own, don’t act blindsided when people keep their distance. If you walk around being selfish, forceful, or making everyone feel like they’re tiptoeing around landmines, don’t be surprised when the invitations stop coming. Birthdays go by without your name on the list. Family trips happen and nobody asks if you’re free. Holidays roll around and even when you’re “with people,” you’re still alone.
Because here’s the hard truth: when you spend your life building the monument of you, polishing, protecting, glorifying it, you forget to build within other people. You forget to build a community. And when the cracks start to show, when you need someone to show up for you, that monument won’t hug you back.
People do not owe you a thing. However, bills can be paid down, and relationships can be rebuilt. You can turn things around before next year. Just remember: making changes doesn’t mean everyone is required to forget the emptiness your absence created. Growth takes time, and so does rebuilding trust. If you want to be surrounded, start showing up now.
