The Cost of Composure: Women at Work

Women’s History Month, amongst other female successes, often highlights firsts:

First woman CEO.
First woman elected.
First woman partner.

But what rarely gets discussed is the cost of being the “first,” the “only,” or the “one who made it.”

Corporate America isn’t separate from America. It’s a smaller stage running the exact same playbook.

Today, women face less career support and fewer opportunities to advance as companies show declining commitment to women’s progress. And on that stage, Black women specifically, are still navigating an invisible performance review that has nothing to do with competence.

In case you’re reading this and inclined to doubt, here are some fun irrefutable statistics that didn’t just come from me and my thoughts:

According to McKinsey & Company’s Women in the Workplace reports:

• For every 100 men promoted, 93 women are also promoted, but only about 74 Black women.

• Black women are more likely than any other group of women to say they have had their judgment questioned in their area of expertise.

• They are significantly more likely to be mistaken for someone more junior.

• Black women report higher rates of burnout than white women and men.

The U.S. Census Bureau continues to report that Black women earn approximately 65–66 cents for every dollar earned by white, non-Hispanic men.

Black women even earn less than white women ($52,370 median for all women) and generally face a wider wage gap than other groups. (Oddly, this actually increases the higher the education)

And despite being one of the fastest-growing groups of entrepreneurs in the country, Black women receive a fraction of venture capital funding compared to other founders.

This isn’t a coincidence.
It’s a pattern.

Black women in corporate spaces often operate inside a narrow corridor of “acceptable behavior.”

Too confident? Intimidating.
Too quiet? Disengaged.
Too assertive? Aggressive.
Too calm? Uninvested.

Research in workplace bias shows that women of color are penalized both for speaking up and for holding back, called a psychological “double bind” that creates chronic stress.

So composure becomes strategy.

Not because we don’t care.
Not because we lack urgency (This one was my favorite to be accused of ).
But because history has shown that emotional expression is often weaponized against us.

And that composure? It has a cost. The cost is internal.

Sitting in the car to decompress before going home.
Replaying conversations in your head.
Wondering if your tone was “safe.”
Being excellent and exhausted.

During Women’s History Month, we celebrate progress, but progress without honesty is incomplete.

From domestic labor to boardrooms, Black women have historically been expected to be:

• resilient but not reactive

• strong but not sensitive

• productive but not praised

• visible when useful, invisible when inconvenient

The setting changed. The expectation did not.

According to Forbes, the most recent jobs report revealed that 350,000 Black women were pushed out of the workforce, out of corporate, out of jobs, out of abilities to provide for their families.

One woman’s story (I’ve actually heard this from a total of 5 so far), was that she was stressed, having panic attacks at work, working 60, 70 hours a week, told she was doing great, but when the Director role opened up that she was basically doing all the work for, they never considered her, didn’t even give her an interview, then asked her to train the white man that they hired instead.

Ironically enough, a friend of mine had an eerily similar story, where she actually refused to train the man and was written up for it (in an effort to eventually push her out as well). Just another example of:

Your excellence is tolerated, not celebrated.
Your ideas are borrowed, not credited.
Your boundaries are questioned, not respected.

At this point, it’s obvious, to quote Forbes, “This administration has deployed a different narrative, but the purpose is the same as always: to erode the pathways that allowed Black women even a chance at the middle class.” 

So What Do We Do?

Where do we go?
When we want more.
When we are more.
When we are capable of more, but are told, in a thousand quiet ways, that our place is already full.

Hope is not passive. Strategy matters. Some are rebuilding through entrepreneurship, others are demanding systemic reforms, and all are navigating the intersection of workforce inequity and personal resilience.

Black women continue to lead in entrepreneurship and are the fastest-growing demographic of entrepreneurs in the U.S.

Here are tangible moves for Black women and for organizations serious about change.

1. Document Everything

Not from paranoia, from protection.
Track accomplishments. Save emails. Record outcomes. When evaluation season comes, receipts speak louder than perception.

2. Build Parallel Rooms

If the room you’re in drains you, build or find rooms that restore you. Professional affinity groups. Mastermind circles. Mentorship spaces. Entrepreneurship ecosystems. Isolation weakens. Community fortifies.

3. Separate Feedback from Bias

Ask: Is this about performance?
If “tone” is mentioned without examples tied to business impact, that is data. Data you can respond to strategically.

If something else is mentioned that has absolutely nothing to do with performance, ask questions such as “what are some examples of how you would like me to demonstrate that?” and “how will this be evaluated in accordance with my performance?”

Be prepared to get a BS answer to a BS request and know that it’s likely not about your performance.

4. Advocate for Structural Change

Organizations must:

• Track promotion equity by race and gender.

• Standardize evaluation criteria.

• Tie executive bonuses to diversity outcomes.

• Train leadership in bias interruption, not just awareness.

Culture does not shift by conversation alone. It shifts when incentives shift.

5. Remember This Truth

You are not imagining it, and you are not the problem.

If you have ever felt unseen, unheard, or misunderstood in a space you worked hard to enter, that feeling is not weakness. It is awareness.

Women’s History Month is not just about celebrating survival, progress, the improvement of rights…

It’s about designing a future where composure is a choice, not armor.

Where excellence is acknowledged without suspicion.
Where leadership does not require shrinking.
Where calm is read as strength, not indifference.

Corporate America may be a smaller stage running the same playbook, but stages can be rewritten, scripts can be edited, and power can be redistributed. (If you’re interested in playing that game)

History, the kind we celebrate, is always written by the ones who refused to quietly accept the role they were assigned.

This month, and every month, the question is not: “Where do I go?”

The question is not: “What do I build?”

And that answer, collectively, is how this story changes.